Hallelujah
by The real Anna-Tess-and Fantine
Summary: What happens when the Cullens go to church? Complete and utter mayhem! Includes commandment breaking, embarrassment, and Emmett shooting his mouth off...again. Church will never be the same! Bella's a vamp
1. I Wanna Go Home, Carlisle!

Hallelujah

**Hallelujah**

**Summary:** What happens when the Cullen's go to church? Complete and utter mayhem! Includes commandment breaking, embarrassment, and Emmett shooting his mouth off… again. Church will never be the same! (Bella's a vamp)

**Chapter 1: I Wanna Go Home, Carlisle!**

**Emmett's POV**

The unthinkable was happening.

The Cullen's were going to church.

Why was Carlisle doing this to us? Sure, he _says _it's because Reverend Collins invited us and that it would be rude to decline, but I think he's still mad about the bottle-rocket incident last spring. We blow the roof off the house _once_…

"Emmett, stop complaining." Damn Edward and his mind-reading powers.

"I heard that!" Stupid mind reader.

"EMMETT!!" Edward screamed.

"STAY OUT OF MY HEAD!"

"That's a little hard to do when you're practically yelling your thoughts!" he retorted.

"You two, can't you get along for one minute?" Esme begged.

"No," Rosalie said while checking her reflection in her compact. _She is so hot…_

"Emmett!" Edward bellowed. "Could you please censor your thoughts? There are some things I don't really need to see!"

"Whatever, man…" I swear to god, if we don't get out soon, I might die.

"Naughty, naughty," Edward chastised. "No swearing in church. Oh, and by the way, YOU CAN'T DIE!"

"That's it you two," Carlisle came up to us, "no more fighting."

"Hey Emmett," Bella tapped my shoulder from behind, "if you want to break commandments, you and Rose could hook up in the altar room." Ah, Bella, my favorite sister. _Too bad _someone _is always hogging her, _I thought at Edward. He just glared.

"Bella, don't encourage him," Alice muttered. _Party-pooper._

"We should go in before we're late," Esme said, trying to calm us.

"I wanna go home, Carlisle!" I whined.

"No Emmett!" he replied.

_This is gonna suck. A lot._

OoOoOoOoOoO

After much calming by Jasper, we finally made our way into the sanctuary. We sat in the back row so nobody could stare at us. Unfortunately, they still did. All the men looked at Rose, Bella, Alice, and a few of the old geezers ogled Esme. All the women ogled Edward, Jasper, and I. _That's right ladies, Emmett Cullen is here!_

"Emmett, you are such a pervert," Edward said, elbowing me. I glared at him and pulled out my cell phone. If we can't talk, I'll just text. I pulled up a new message window and typed in Bella's number.

_Yo, Bells,_

_This is gay. When do we get to eat those freakin' crackers? I've always wondered what they tasted like…_

_ Emmett_

I hit the send button and watched as she quickly read it and tried to stifle a giggle.

"Emmett, stop texting Bella!" Esme punished me, leaning over to slap my arm.

"Really, Emmett, you're acting like a five-year-old!" Jasper complained.

"A really stupid five-year-old…" Edward muttered under his breath. I stood up, enraged, in the middle of the sermon.

"Screw you, Edward!" I yelled loudly. Everyone stared.

"This is not happening," Alice chanted to herself. Rosalie was practically doubled over, Bella was laughing too, Jasper and Edward looked ready to kill me, and Carlisle and Esme were positively livid.

Carlisle regained his composure first, and stood up to explain.

"I apologize for my son's behavior, everyone," he said. "I will be sure to punish him properly for his conduct later at home. Thank you for your patience."

Yes, this is truly going to suck in every way shape and form.

**Chapter 2: Communion, God Forbid**


	2. Communion, God Forbid

Disclaimer: I don't own it

**Disclaimer: I don't own it. Nor will I ever. Sob!**

**Communion, God Forbid**

**Emmett's POV**

Crap. I did _not _just do that! Please tell me I didn't!

"Hate to break it to you, Emmett, but you did do that," Edward answered my thoughts. "It would have been entertaining, if it hadn't been so embarrassing."

_Why are you so mean to me? I never did anything to you! Well, not exactly, but I still think the piano thing was a misunderstanding._

"Emmett!" he whispered. "How was that a misunderstanding? You took it apart and used the keys as crazy toys for you and Rose! Imagine my chagrin when I came home to you and my sister…playing…with my dismembered piano! If I could dream, I would have had nightmares for the rest of my existence!"

_You're such a prude. I bet if you did some wild and crazy things to Bella, she wouldn't be complaining._ He was silent. _ Ha! Gotcha!_

"Emmett McCarty Cullen, stop antagonizing Edward this instant!" Esme reprimanded us.

"Sorry, Mom," I whimpered. Esme may be small, but when she's mad, I fear for my life – er, death – whatever. Unwillingly, I turned my attention to the preacher dude, who was rattling on and on about modesty and humility and other useless stuff. _When do we get out of here?_

**Bella's POV**

Poor Emmett. He looks absolutely…vulnerable. I didn't blame him. When Esme yells, she's very scary.

I unwillingly ripped my eyes away from the poor giant teddy bear and turned them onto my husband. I snuggled into his side for the long haul that would be this service. He wrapped his granite arm around me and murmured the three words that still made me feel light-headed after our many years together, "I love you."

I turned my head and smiled into his shoulder.

"What's Emmett thinking about?" I asked. "He looks pretty upset."

Edward snorted lightly. "He is. He keeps saying how bored he is and that he can't wait to leave this god-forsaken place." I chuckled at the irony in that sentence. "He's also mumbling something about crackers. Do you know anything about that?" I grinned and nodded.

"He was very curious about what church would be like, so I gave him a rough outline from some time I went as a human. The memories were a little fuzzy, though. Things could've changed. I haven't been in a church in…fifty years," I explained. He nodded. "I told him that at communion you got to eat crackers. He got _very _enthusiastic. I don't know if he realizes he just has to cough it up later." Edward chuckled.

"Well, communion is after this, so he'll find out soon," he informed me. Then, Alice burst into a fit of giggles over something she saw in the future. Edward quickly read her mind and joined her laughter.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"You'll see," Alice choked out through giggles. Great. I hate being out of the loop!

Before I could complain anymore everyone stood up and walked to the altar for communion. We all knelt down and waited for the pastor to come and bless us. Emmett was fidgeting in excitement, almost unable to wait for his beloved cracker. The pastor finally made it to Emmett, and said the customary blessing.

"Excuse me young man, but are you confirmed?" the pastor asked innocently.

"No dude, I'm Emmett! Give me the cracker! Gimme, gimme, gimme!" Emmett yelled, grabbing for the wafer in the man's hand. The pastor was obviously dumbfounded, but gave him the small cracker anyway. Then, he turned around and took a goblet from the altar.

"Drink now the blood of your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ," he chanted.

"Um, sorry man, but I'm off human blood. Also, no offense to this Jesus dude, but his blood smells really bad. I don't know anyone who would actually want to drink it." Everyone stared. What was that like the third time today that we had been scrutinized? We must be setting a record…

"You misunderstand young man. This isn't actually blood, it's wine. We use it as a symbol for the Lamb's blood, poured out onto us for the forgiveness of our many sins."

"Oh! Well, if it's sheep blood, then I can drink it. I just can't drink human blood. It's wrong." The pastor sighed, unwilling to explain anything more to Emmett. I looked over at my family and wasn't exactly surprised by their reactions. Esme and Carlisle were thoroughly ashamed, Edward and were snickering, Rosalie was glaring at her idiotic husband, and Alice was trying to keep a straight face through Emmett's blunder. I didn't even want to know how many people we'd offended today. The number would surely be dizzying. I settled for dropping my head in my hands.

The pastor shrugged off Emmett's behavior and continued the communion, constantly sneaking glances at a grinning Emmett. Then, after he was done, he ushered everyone back to their seats.

"May the Lord bless you and keep you. May he grant you his countenance and give you his peace. Amen," the pastor said the customary benediction. The congregation sang the final hymn and then filed out. Much to our chagrin, the preacher came over to our family with a surprisingly warm smile, considering our less than respectable behavior.

"Thank you for coming," he said, keeping his smile. "I hope the young ones can attend our Sunday school and that you two adults will join us in Bible class."

_Oh, Carlisle, please, please, please say no! Please!_

"We'd love to, Pastor Collins," Carlisle accepted the invitation, and we all visibly deflated.

"Wonderful then!" The pastor walked off to greet the other visitors.

"Consider this your punishment for your abominable behavior today," Carlisle quipped, leaving us in complete and utter fear of what was to come. If Emmett was bad in church, I didn't want to even _think_ about how bad he'd be in Sunday school. This would not end well for _anyone_ involved.

Oh, God.

**A.N. Please review! I love reviews so very much! I hope I wrote all the church stuff correctly and that I didn't offend anyone with Emmett's poor behavior.**


	3. Lord Have Mercy

Disclaimer: I own none

**Disclaimer: I own none. **

Author's Note: Did I mention I like reviews? Because I do. A lot. Reviews are love, so GIVE ME SOME LOVE PEEPS!!

Chapter 3: Lord Have MercyEmmett's POV

"Why, Carlisle, why?" I cried in desperation.

"Emmett, he's gone," Edward stated. "Although nice performance up there in communion. Everyone really loved it. I have to say you have succeeded in offending more people than you ever have in your life, and that's saying something. Remember St. Patrick's Day 1977? This was worse. Congrats, though!"

"Edward, sarcasm isn't helping!" Rosalie snapped.

"Thanks, babe," I said.

"I wouldn't be thanking me. Because of this little incident, you're not getting any for a year!" she quipped.

"But-but," I stammered.

"All of you stop!" Bella yelled. "Fighting is not helping. Let's just get through this peacefully, all right? Now, Emmett I think you should apologize to all of us, for this is your fault."

"I'm sorry everyone."

"Good," she continued. "Now, Edward, I think that you should apologize to Emmett."

"What? Why?" he complained. I just grinned.

"Because you were antagonizing him earlier. Just because he's a total idiot doesn't mean we should tease him about it."

"Hey!" I turned to glare at her. Edward smiled, but quickly apologized.

"Great! Now, if we want to escape Carlisle's wrath, we need to go to Sunday school now," she informed us, earning groans from everyone.

We weren't happy about it, but the Cullen children were now going to Sunday school.

Alice's POV

Oh my god! I have seen the future and it is hilarious! I cannot wait for Sunday school! These teachers won't know what hit 'em!

Edward's POV

After our minor fight, we all began to walk at human pace to the classroom for high school students. The second we entered the room, the barrage of lustful and sometimes hateful thoughts seeped into my brain.

_Oh. My. God. The chicks are so hot! Especially the blonde one. The brunette looks too innocent. Totally not for me._

_The tall girl definitely had plastic surgery. You can totally tell._

_I hope these kids know their scripture, because I will not tolerate clueless newbies._

_The brown-haired babe totally wants me._

_The one with the bronze hair is delectably yummy!_

_Dude, the big one looks like he's on steroids!_

I sighed and attempted to tune out their monotonous thoughts. We all tried to be well-behaved and sat down in the chairs. Unfortunately, Emmett's brawn could barely fit in the wrap-around desks, and many audible cracks sounded from the massacred piece of wood.

"Well," the teacher, I believe her name was Mrs. Brooks, began, "it seems we have some new students today. You all probably remember them from the church service." We all shifted uncomfortably in our seats. "Now then, everyone open your bibles to Revelation chapter five- yes Mr. Cullen?" She turned to Emmett, his hand flying in the air.

"Yeah, sorry lady, but I don't have a bible," he whined.

"There's a stack over there," she replied, obviously annoyed.

"Umm, I can't move." He hung his head in shame. She sighed deeply, but went to get the books for us. She set one at each desk and returned to her table.

She was about to continue speaking when Emmett struck again.

"Um, lady," he started, "I don't know where Revelations is."  
"It's in the back young man," she told him. "Also, I prefer Mrs. Brooks, not 'lady'."

"Sure, whatever." Was all he said.

The lesson was uneventful, just the teacher babbling about something she had all wrong. I would know; I had read the bible multiple times in my early days as a vampire. When you were stuck in the house because of your bloodlust you got bored easily.

"Yes Mr. Cullen?" the teacher asked.

"I don't get it." Was Emmett's genius reply.

"What don't you get?"

"Any of this. Why would Satan have a triple six on his head?"

"Well, son, you'll have to ask god when you get to heaven." None of my family missed the bitter irony lacing that sentence. I sighed, put my arm around Bella, and prepared to stick it out for the long haul.

Okay, I know this was really short, but I'll put up a long chapter in the next couple of days. It won't be as much Emmett silliness, though. I'm thinking of Edward and Bella passing notes. Don't worry though, Emmett will get his crude joke or three in!

Now, people, I want reviews, so hit the magical purple button that brings me happiness!

And finally, I'm thinking of another story now. It'll be called Emerald to Scarlet, and its about Edward becoming a vampire, HOWEVER, Bella is already changed and with Carlisle.

Tell me what you think and REVIEW!! I'M SERIOUS PEOPLE!!


	4. My GOD, Emmett!

My GOD, Emmett

**My GOD, Emmett!**

OMC, I am so sorry for not updating sooner! Things just got really busy. My mom had surgery so she's not supposed to lift a finger, which of course leaves it up to my ten. All in all, I've been tired, cranky, and VERY annoyed.

**P.S. At the end of this chapter there is a quote from my new story **_**From Emeralds to Rubies**_**. You know the drill, Read, Review, PM me with any and all questions. Seriously, no matter how totally stupid the question is, I will answer it. Thx!!**

**Bold is Edward**

Italics are Bella

This insane teacher doesn't have any idea what she's talking about.

_Let me guess, O Holy One, you've read the bible._

What? I got bored. Believe it or not love, I got bored a lot without you around.

_I know, but the BIBLE? You never struck me as one to get pious and moral. Well, moral you were. Pious you were NOT._

**Are you referring to my virginity?**

_I am. Oh no, I've become Emmett._

I knew it would happen one day.

_Harhar. Speaking of Emmett, why is he wiggling like that? It looks like he has to use the bathroom. Oh, the glory of my human years…_

They are nothing compared to your vampire years. I never thought it was possible, but your change has made you even more irresistible.

Awww. I love you!

I love you too. Now back on subject.

_Of course. So why exactly is Emmett bouncing in his seat? We already ruled out a certain bodily function, and he sure isn't excited about this whole predicament. I know I'm not._

**We'll be out soon love. Although I feel the need to warn you about a certain shopping trip to L.A. Alice has planned for tomorrow. They're having some pretty bad weather; perfect for the ostentatious vampire!**

_NOOOOOOO!! I HATE SHOPPING!! She's going to drag me to every designer store in the city! Guchi and Prada and Versace and Jimmy Choo and Dolce & Gabbanna!! It's just too much!!_

**I'm sorry love, but what Alice wants, Alice gets. She's quite terrifying when angry. **

_Ugh. Don't remind me. That was HORRIBLE!! I got slapped with a restraining order from some hobo because of her!_

**Ah, Christmas memories!**

_Edward?_

**Yes?**

_Shut up and answer my freaking question!_

**Emmett is squirming because, being the huge brute he is, he broke the desk, resulting in the wood impaling his stomach. He's so angry he intends to seek revenge on the poor thing.**

_Emmett wants revenge on a desk?_

**Indeed.**

_He's insane._

**Hah! What was your first clue?**

_There have been too many to keep track of. _

"Mr. Cullen, I would appreciate it if you brought that note to me," Mrs. Brooks instructed. Edward shot me a look somewhere between fear and desperation, and honestly, I didn't blame him. Mrs. Brooks could be scarier than Alice and Esme combined. Not someone you wanted to rub the wrong way. Unfortunately for us, we did.

Edward handed her the note, panicking. Then I remembered that we had spilled our secret in that note. I normally hated to use my power, but it was definitely necessary now. In one quick gesture of my hands, I froze the room, excluding my family.

"You idiots!" Rose whispered loudly. "What were you thinking! We could've been found out!"

"Uh, what did the note say?" Emmett, still stuck in the chair, asked.

"Here," I handed him the note which I ripped from the teacher's frozen hand. "Read it yourself. By the way, brilliant job getting stuck in the desk. Your intelligence is really shining through today!" I added, my tone dripping with sarcasm. He glared at me and began reading the note. When he was done he (and the chair) were rolling on the floor laughing. Leave it to Emmett to crack up over the subtlest jokes. Idiot.

"Hah- Edward…virgin- hah, hah!" he choked out through his hysterics.

"Bella!" Alice squealed. "Someone's gonna walk in in thirty seconds!"

Everyone scrambled back to their seats while I unfroze the room.

"Wait," Mrs. Brooks said, snapping out of her previous frozen state along with the rest of the room, "didn't I just have a note in my hand?"

"Uh, no," Jasper replied. Mrs. Brooks looked around confused. Then, as Alice predicted, someone walked through the door to hand the teacher her attendance sheet. That really was TOO close.

_So bored…_

**EmPOV**

How dare this chair ensnare me! I will win this epic battle if it's the last thing I do!

**JPOV**

So. Many. Emotions.

The teacher is confused out of her mind, Alice is excited, Bella is scared, and everyone else is bored out of their mind.

I hate being an empath!

**APOV**

I was pleasantly fascinating about tomorrow's L.A. shopping trip when a very disturbing vision hit.

_Carlisle was putting all our names except for him and Esme on a sign-up sheet that read "Youth Rebuilding Project."_

_Next, we were all hammering and building a house with a bunch of church goons. _

_Oh no._

Carlisle, don't do it! PLEASE!!

**EPOV**

I saw Alice's vision and was immediately terrified.

I KNEW we shouldn't have ticked off Carlisle! This is all Emmett's fault! I shall get revenge if it's the last thing I do!

**BPOV**

What was going on? Alice and Edward seem scared out of their minds!

Thankfully, Mrs. Brooks took that specific moment to announce, "Class is dismissed."

We. Were. FREE!!

**Ah, Bella, always so oblivious. As you may have guessed, I will be putting a few more chapters up in the future.**

**Now, as promised, here's your quote from my new story.**

"In that big house all alone? How do you manage?"

"Well Mrs. Masen, I pride myself on having an excellent sense of self-preservation."

**Ooh! I love leaving you all in the dark! I'm kidding, I don't. But, if I don't act all mysterious and end up giving too much away, you won't read it. Little tactic I use. Thank the Lord my dad stuffed me full of psychology as a five-year-old! I'm serious, he did do that.**

**REVIEW PEEPS!!**


	5. Special Thanks please read!

Special Thanks

**Special Thanks**

**OMC!! 605 hits! 18 reviews! 21 ALERTS!! THAT IS SO FREAKING AWESOME!**

**You guys all rule, I totally love you. You make me so happy with all your comments; it really gives me the motivation to continue this story!**

**I'm really glad you all like Emmett, he's always really fun to write. **

**I've gotten a couple comments on Bella's power. Everyone seemed to like it, so I'll explain why I made that her power. Many things in her human life were very spur of the moment and depended on time (ex: James, Volturi, Victoria, Laurent, etc.). I just thought it made sense.  
**

**And finally, I will definitely update this story sometime tonight. I promise it. Also, I will put the first chapter of my new story up tonight. **

**Keep reviewing and reading!**

**You all rock my world!**

**Much love and thanks,**

**Tess**


	6. Community Service

Disclaimer: I don't own it

**Disclaimer:**** I don't own it.**

**A/N:**** Here it is! You all rule!**

Community ServiceCPOV

"Dr. Cullen!" Pastor Collins called. He walked over to Esme and I and smiled at us. "I noticed that you didn't sign your children up for our annual service project. We would all really appreciate it if you did; we never seem to have enough volunteers." I grinned. This would be the perfect punishment for their abominable behavior during the service. I turned to Esme and noticed she seemed to have the same idea as me. This was TOO good!

APOV

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! DON'T CARLISLE! PLEASE!!

EPOV

What's wrong with Alice? We were free from this torture chamber, so why was she so upset? I couldn't make heads-or-tails of her thoughts; she just kept begging Carlisle to not do something…hmmm. She always confused me.

EsPOV

This was perfect!

I grinned at Carlisle as we walked up to the sign-up sheet for the service project. Carlisle pulled a pen out of his pocket and wrote down all our children's names on the list.

As we walked from the board, Alice came screaming towards us.

"NO! PLEASE CARLISLE! WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!" she pleaded. I laughed inwardly.

"Yes you did, Alice, you all did," Carlisle replied. "Your behavior today was disgusting, embarrassing, and totally innappropriate. You all deserve to be punished. We figured this would be the perfect way to chastise you and make it up to the church."

She began to bawl hysterically into her hands. Then Emmett bounded up to us, a chair around him.

"Mom, Dad!" he cried. "I can't get this lame chair off me! IT'S THE CHAIR OF DOOM!!" Oh no. I guess we have to pay the church back for their murdered chair. _Emmett, Emmett, Emmett,_ I scolded in my head. Next came Jasper, who put a calming hand on Alice, but she slapped it away. I smiled evilly.

"What the-?" I turned towards the bulletin board where we signed them all up and saw Rose gaping at the sheet. "WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?" she screamed.

"What'd she do?" Bella asked as she and Edward approached us.

"She found out we signed you all up for the annual service project for the church," Carlisle replied nonchalantly.

"YOU DID WHAT?" Emmett, Edward, Bella, and Jasper exclaimed simultaneously.

"You heard him." They all turned to glare at Carlisle and I.

"But Esme!" Alice sobbed. "I'll miss L.A.'s bad weather! I was going to go shopping with Bella and Rose! We would've gotten such cute stuff!"

"I'm sorry Alice," I replied, "but L.A. will be there another day." She just continued to cry.

"If I chip a nail tomorrow, you know it won't grow back!" Rose yelled. "If that happens, I will _never_ speak to you again! EVER!!"

"Stop, everyone!" Carlisle said. "We can fight about this later at home."

OoOoOoOoO

EmPOV

Today sucks.

Not only did I almost get killed by an evil chair of doom (which I still have yet to remove from my body), but Esme and Carlisle signed us up for some crazy community service project to help the poor peoples. Poor poor people.

"Carlisle," I whined, "can't we just give the poor peoples food and stuff? Why build a house?"

"Because Emmett, they need a house. I also think manual labor would be more upsetting for you all." Oh, wow, Carlisle, I thought you were the compassionate one.

"Really, you all," Esme continued, "you need some physical activity!"

"But, Esme," Jasper began, "we're vampires! We don't need physical activity."

"Do you want me to ground you?" Esme snapped back.

"No ma'am," he muttered.

"Jasper," Carlisle began, "apologize to your mother."

"I'm sorry Esme, I didn't mean to do it, how could I have been so foolish?" Jasper recited the mandatory line we were supposed to say to our family when we did something stupid like breaking vases and turning fruit into vampires. _Haha, that's a funny story…_

"Emmett!" Edward bellowed. "Stop reflecting on the evil vampire-fruit! That is a memory I'd like to forget!"

_Sucks to be a mind reader… _I thought.

"You have no idea," he murmured.

"But really Carlisle," Rose started, "we're a thousand times stronger than humans! We could kill someone."

"You have both Alice's and Bella's powers to make sure nothing like that happens. You'll all do fine, I promise," he replied.

I began to wave my hand wildly in the air.

"Yes Emmett?" Esme asked, exasperated.

"Can someone please get this gay chair off me?" I whined. Rose sighed and pulled me to the garage where she roughly tore the desk off me.

"Ow, ow, OW!!" I cried. She glared at me and I shut up.

"Stop whining," she scolded. "Tomorrow will be much worse." Oh right, the service project. LAME!

"STOP WHINING EMMETT!" Edward yelled.

Tomorrow, much like today, will certainly suck.

Ok! Next chapter will be their project, and then this story will probably be over. I may throw in one more chapter where they learn a lesson or something generic like that. However, if anyone has any ideas on how to elongate the story, they would be greatly appreciated. Seriously.

**Wishing everyone lots of vamptasticness,**

**Tess (twilightxcontrolsxmyxmind)**


	7. Get Out of My Car!

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

**Disclaimer:**** I don't own Twilight**

**A/N:**** Ok, so lots of people commented on my vampire fruit thing. It was originally just a stupid joke of Emmett's, but everyone was curious, so now I'm incorporating them into the story. I'm also going to do a one-shot of how the vampire fruit were "born". (Bella's car pic in my profile. Look at it, it's really awesome!)**

**Get Out of My Car!**

BPOV

The Saturday after our hellish church experience, we were subjected to more torture. Torture in the form of house building for the poor people of our city. Yes, that is revenge, Carlisle-style.

The whole week, everyone was moaning and whining about what our weekend had in store. Alice was going to miss some special sale, Rosalie was worried about breaking a nail, Emmett was still mad about the chair he got stuck in, and Jasper, Edward, and I were only upset because everyone else was.

So, when that fateful day came, we all piled into my Audi, and made our way to the outskirts of the city, where apparently, a construction site was.

We got there in record time due to my incredibly fast driving. The site was in the middle of nowhere; dust as far as the eye could see. We all sluggishly exited my car and Emmett eagerly grabbed a blue cooler out of the trunk.

"Emmett, what is that and why are you singing _Girlfriend_ in French?" Edward asked Emmett, still clutching the mysterious blue cooler.

"Just some snacks for the humans!" he replied happily. Something was definitely up, but I decided it wasn't worth my time, so I ignored him. Alice, Rosalie, and I approached the half-finished home with caution. Then a geeky boy in construction goggles approached us, blueprints in hand. He rattled off instructions in some weird construction worker language. This would be a very long day.

EmPOV

Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!

My evil plan is in action!!

"What evil plan?" Edward asked me warily. Crap, I forgot about the mind reader. I shrugged and went back to singing in different languages.

A muscular guy in an orange vest came up to Edward, Jasper, and I and asked us to help him with his drywall. What a nerd!

"Emmett…" Edward hissed. Oops.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

My family and I spent the next few hours working on the house for the poor peoples of this city. Ooh, I sounded like a superhero with that last sentence! What'll my name be? Hmm… how about Super Emmett! Saving the world… I can't think of anything else.

"Emmett! Concentrate!" Edward commanded. _Yes Your Majesty…_

"That's more like it," Emmett muttered. Whoa. He thinks he's royal. Loser.

I glanced at my watch. 3:15 PM. Perfect.

When formulating my awesome plan, I thought of two things. First, what is Edward's greatest weakness? Bella, duh. That led me to the second question. What is Bella's most prized possession, excluding Edward? Her dark blue Audi R8 of course. So I decided I'd use my little vampire fruit friends to get revenge. How does this revenge work, you ask? Well, Edward was making fun of me and making me do crazy things in church, which landed us in this situation. So, since Edward loves Bella more than anything, and she adores her car, I'll destroy her car vampire-fruit style.

I snuck off with my cooler filled with vampire-fruit and put my plan in action.

"Hello minions!" I called to my fruit of doom. They…were…AWESOME! They didn't eat humans, just bugs, seeing as animals were too big for them. They were also blood-crazed newborns, seeing as I had only created them a month ago. They glowed red and hobbled around awkwardly. I smiled at my obedient array of peaches, apples, pears, oranges, and bananas. This would be the best revenge ever.

I took the jar of flies out of the trunk and released them in Bella's Audi. Then I placed the fruit in and closed the door. All hell broke loose. Even I didn't see this coming, and I doubt Alice did either. The vampire fruit of doom rebelled.

Bella unwittingly left the car keys in the ignition, so instead of eating all the flies and destroying the black leather interior like I planned, they grabbed the wheel and drove off with Bella's car. I was screwed.

BPOV

I was still painting the walls of the house creamy beige when I heard a screech of tires in the distance. My head snapped up and Edward stared at me with fear in his eyes.

"Vampire fruit…Emmett…" he whispered. WHAT? Emmett trained his stupid fruit to steal my car? HE WAS DEAD!

EmPOV

Oh crap. Bella is going to murder me! I only wanted them to mess her car up, not steal it! Speak of the devil and she shall arrive to kill me. Bella stormed up to me followed by the rest of our family.

"EMMETT! YOU ARE SO DEAD!" she screamed.

"No, Bella," I soothed. "Violence isn't the answer."

"SCREW THAT!" I sighed; she was beyond ticked. Jasper sent out some calm and she began to breathe deeply.

"Okay, Emmett. You're going to go and get my car from those bug-crazed minions of yours, and, when you get back, you're washing it until it sparkles!" she said. Alright, I could handle that.

"Sure," I replied. "Are you going to help me?"

"No, no one is. You screwed up, so you have to fix it. All by yourself." Oh dang, how am I supposed to do this? I don't even know where they are!

"In the mean time," Bella continued, "we're all going to run home. I'll be waiting for you and Sophia." Sophia? She named her car? _What a nutjob…_

"Shut up Emmett!" Edward yelled. "I never told anyone you named your car Jimbo!" NOOOOO!! He revealed my car's name!

"We won't make fun of you till you get home," Bella assured me. "Now, GO!" I sprinted vampire speed like a bat out of hell.

_How am I supposed to find my minions…?_

BPOV

We all ran home and explained to Carlisle and Esme the events that had occurred that day. All they did was chuckle.

"He commanded his vampire fruit to destroy your car?" Carlisle inquired.

"Yeah, but he didn't mean for them to steal it," Edward told him. Esme shook her head and stalked off mumbling about how she told Emmett to burn his "minions" over a hundred times.

_He is such an idiot…_

EmPOV

Oh, yes, I rule!

It wasn't that hard to get the car back; all I had to do was find them and command them to unhand Sophia.

Finding them was easy too. I knew they would go to a place filled with bugs of all kinds. Sure enough, they were gorging themselves on dragonflies in the middle of a huge lake.

I drove Bella's precious Audi home slowly, because I was still dreading the teasing I would get over naming my Jeep. Also, I was pretty sure Carlisle, Esme, and Bella were going to punish me.

Only too soon, I pulled up to the house and was greeted by and irate Bella. She stormed over to me and ripped me out of the car.

"Get out of my car!" she commanded. She visibly calmed and a smirk spread over her face. "Now, Emmett, I do believe you are supposed to wash my car until it sparkles…" Dang. I forgot about that.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

I ended up cleaning Bella's stupid car for over four hours. All the while they were all teasing me about Jimbo. The second I finished I high-tailed it out of there and up to my room where I formulated my revenge… then I decided not to because the more mad Bella got, the more likely it was that she would have Edward rip me to shreds and burn the pieces.

_I would get revenge another day… but for now… I'll go read Carlisle's Bible._

The EndSob! The stories over! I really like my last line; it was just too ironic!

**Don't worry, though. My next story is kind of a spin-off of this one where Emmett sort of gets revenge for being teased and forced to clean Bella's car. What will be in store? Only I know!**

**Thanks to everyone for your support and reviews! They kept this story going.**

**Much love to you all,**

**Tess**


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